— Death Note —

I spent long summer nights, waiting for you.

Sipping whisky, listening to the blues.

Thinking of the times when we were kids,

You loved pulling my hair as I made you my prop for practicing the jump kicks.

 

As we grew older, you started to care.

And once I caught you smelling my hair.

I couldn’t help but resonate the thought,

There was a whirlwind of incomprehensible feelings in my heart.

 

And before I knew, you swept me off my feet.

Asked me the question, and popped a ring.

I was confounded by all that charm,

As I soared high with these newly found wings.

 

There was that day, and then there’s now.

It took me a while to find out that you were sleeping around.

I was left with no option but to leave you alone,

Run to the mountains and embrace the snow.

 

Now as I stand here, struggling with my vertigo,

The valley looks welcoming down below…

These rocks, trees and pristine snow,

Will witness my fall…as here at dawn I’ll end it all.

 

The newspapers will read : A girl jumped off the mountain!

Grief stricken, heart-broken.

Never to find who she really was…

As somewhere far, a mad man runs wild, breaking other beautiful hearts.

love.pain.hope.

Well this my second attempt at fiction.And like the first one,this one too is inspired by music.Im an eternal insomniac,and to beat that I listen to music all the time really, but esp. at night.And more than often,it inspire me.The inspiration behind ‘the going away’ was a James Blunt song: I really want you(lines: I killed a man,from the far away land,my enemy im told). I was listening to the legendary John Lennon the other day and his song ‘Love’ transported me to a place I had been 3 years ago. I could just see that beach.And the cafe….and the rest of this just flowed:

 He liked the night-time breeze on his face when he found rhythm in his jog. It was awfully humid on the beach, streaks of sweat had already started rolling down his left ear. But it did not bother him. He liked this sea-side stretch that was developed so beautifully. Besides his mind was busy trying to match the rhythm of the song in his ears to the rhythm of his trot. He feared the roaring sound of the sea at night, esp. at this beach which was rocky and wasn’t considered safe. So, everyday, his iPod accompanied him to his odd hour jogging sprees. He had just picked up rhythm when suddenly Love is real, real is love’….John Lennon started playing in his ears. He froze in his path. This was one of her favourites; he thought…how the hell did this end up in my running playlist! But one thing he knew, his run was definitely over. Love is wanting…wanting to be loved’. He walked to the nearest bench and sat down. He put the song to play in loop and shut his eyes. They had heard the song so many times together. ‘Love is free, free is love’. Every thought of her still made him smile. He wasn’t angry on her. He knew she didn’t like him anymore. He understood, that could happen to anyone. It had happened to him before. He had stopped loving his ex-girl friend, because she was too much whiny and abusive. He couldn’t be with her. But this time it’s different, he had thought to himself…he had met the sweetest person. Her smile was like sunshine, and her laughter like music. That’s why it was so hard for him to understand why it had happened, what had happened. She had abandoned him. Yet again love had eluded him. ‘Love is reaching…reaching love’. It has been months, he thought…and I haven’t even seen her beautiful face. I’d call you, she’d said. He never believed it…and she didn’t mean it.  Now, listening to the song, it was all coming back to him. The pain was blinding, but really it opened his eyes to the real world. ‘Love is knowing….we can be’. He smirked at this line. Well, he thought, one thing for sure, I would never really have the ‘knowing’ Lennon was singing about. He knew and believed love was just an illusion, at least for him. He looked at the sea-side La Café on his right and then the Gandhi statue on his left. He took a deep breath and checked his watch. It was 11.03. He quickly looked at the café again…it was still bustling. I could use a coffee, he thought. Coffee did to him what alcohol did to other people. ‘Love is asking,… to be loved’. He had lost the count of how many times the song had played. He switched it off…he could now hear the sound of the waves.

He walked towards the café, but before entering, he faced the sea and just stood there silently….soaking in. Suddenly he didn’t know why he had feared the sound of the waves so much all these years. He stepped inside. ‘Love is real, real is love’. No, the song wasn’t playing in the café (!!!!), just inside his head. It seemed to have stuck on the first line. ‘Love is real, real is love’. Lennon’s enchanting voice was filling his head…but wait, what was that crackling sound. He was alarmed, and the Lennon in his mind stopped singing. He looked towards the origin of the noise. Some girl, who was obviously engrossed in reading, had dropped her cup. And now, with everyone staring, she was embarrassed to bits. She was almost to tears. She looked at everyone looking at her…and then she saw this stranger, with a chuckle on his face, not anger and irritation like everyone else. She heaved a sigh and gave him half of a confused smile. Love is real, real is love’.

He went over to pick up the pieces of her shattered cup and…his probably shattered heart!

 ‘Love is real, real is love’.

(to be continued…)

Calling for feedback!!

21st April 2011

Three old friends…two awesome places,some great music,food, and one long unforgettable  night…

Our lives have changed so much since the good old school days,yet  yesterday when we were playing those childhood ‘games’…it was like nothing had changed at all…the same anticipation,innocence and frivolity and the genuine feeling of being in the state of pure happiness just by being in each other’s company.Only a few people can do that to you,and when we sat yesterday,late in the night,on those steps outside the house,i knew this was one of the most important times in our lives.And even though we were talking absolute rubbish(ok,..i was talking absolute rubbish,and you both were laughing over it),i know you both felt it too!!

Soul sisters…thats what the two girls are to me!!Reading each other like open book,saying silly and honest things without the fear of being judged,or misunderstood,hopping in a rhythm while walking(yes sayali,we did that while your busy with Mr.USA and shooing us away),or just watching the beautiful flowers from my favourite tree in the garden sway in the wind(haha…i know,this time around too,it was just me watching that), or eating the leftover Bolognese pasta at 2.30 a(which somehow had turned tastier)…i cant imagine all this without the two of you.I have had the best times with both of you individually,but with the three of us coming together…could it get any better???

I know we three have three different directions to go in,three different dreams to chase…but i know that wherever life takes us,nothing….just nothing can keep us away.Especially after yesterday,after all the hugs and the peaceful nothingness….the bonding just took another level.Hope we have many such moments before anyone of us ‘flies’ away!!!

Love you both!

the trio

Daily Rituals

There are many little little things in our daily schedule, that make our life comfortable or better or even happier!!! This post is to such stuff in my life,that i am thankful to…for being in my  life,everyday…!

1. My cozy blanket, thank you for all the warmth and putting me to sleep every night!!!

my cozy blue blanket

 

2. My colossal mug  of brewing coffee and TOI…they really wake me up!

coffee...my first love!

 

3. My colourful hair crunches…that make my hair manageable and keep them somewhat in place…!

hair crunches

 

4. My numerous notebooks…sometimes when im bored,they become doodle pads, some rare times they become sketch books and on even rare occasion,they become real notebooks with academic notes…some times they become rough pages for quickly jotting down something,and sometimes they become my diaries…to vent out my emotions!

my dear notebooks 🙂

 

5.  My new watch…a gift from my dearest friend Ekta…i had almost forgotten how much i used to be addicted to my old watch…and well here it is…revival of the addiction!!

new watch!!

 

6. And the controversial green chappals…NO ONE around me likes them…green? chappals?…they don’t even cover your scars!…seriously???…well all i can say is i love them 🙂

my fav chappals

 

These things…i have to have in my everyday life…almost like a ritual…and im so thankful to Him for blessing me enough to enjoy these things…that make up my simple life!!!

take a step back…take a leap!

Whenever you want to start a new venture, whenever you want to overcome a fear, whenever you want to bring about a change, or simply transcend in to another year…..

Just take a step back first, take a step back and contemplate for a moment…

Take a moment to clear the fog from your head, to think of the road that lies ahead…

Take moment to forgive those who wronged you, forget who ignored you…put behind all ill feelings.

Take a moment to reflect upon your own deeds…all the mistakes that you did, resolute never to repeat them and then get over the guilt!

Take a moment of silence for those who left you forever, soak in their memories, pray their soul may rest in peace.

Take a moment to appreciate nature, be gratified to your earth, for blessing you with all she has…

Take a moment to value people around you…who made you smile, laugh and learn.

.

.

 .

Take a step back, get your emotions right,

Take a step back, and get determined…

Take a step back and learn to respect, love, and live,

Take a step back…and then take a leap!

Happy New Year!

in loving memory….

The last time i saw him,i said to him “im going home now”.He didn’t say anything,just nodded.He wanted me to stay,i know…he never liked to hear us leave,but then…he left us all!

A trademark stature of the family,he stood tall,lean but erect!He was always busy with somework.I could never match up to his brisk walk…or enthusiasm! There are so many things about him that i could write about…his daily yoga routine,his constant experiments in the garden,his neem chutney,his meticulous methods in work(she would never agree though…),his concern for everyone’s health,his surprised expression on learning something new,his sharp memory (that stayed with him till the end),his strong will power,his aversion to outside food and secret love for icecream…but what i will always remember him for is his encouragement and love for all three of us-his grandchildren.He poured his heart on us…

Once my sister was staying at his place for a couple of days.It was winter and she had to go out to college early(not his early) in the morning.He heated water for her,not just for bath,but even for brushing her teeth! What if you catch cold, he said!He was always very sensitive towards us.His constant coaxing my cousin to study was just his love.He used to lovingly(never boastfully) tell everyone whenever he scored a first class!My best friend had compiled all my photos since childhood and made me a calendar out of it…He had fallen in love with the idea and that someone had done it for me.He asked me to keep it at his place for a few days and showed it to everyone who visited…Im sure he was the only one in the entire family who had read my college magazine…his never ending enthusiasm and persuasive nature…ill always miss!

One more thing that i will always remember about him is that he used to always read to us…some interesting story from a magazine,or news from our field of study…he used to call us and tell us about it,but he knew us well and the fact that we wouldn’t read.So he used to keep the paper aside and whenever we visited him,he used to read to us…

with grandmom in Kashmir,around 27 years ago...

I will miss him sorely,like everyone who were blessed to have him in their lives…Here are a few lines from “in loving memory” by Alter Bridge, a humble attempt to pay an homage to him,from all his loved ones…

I carry the things that remind me of you
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you’re gone
You still mean the world to me

I’m glad he set you free from sorrow
I’ll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still…